I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my shit smells like andre
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
