she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
