Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sext me about skeletons
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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