I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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