I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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