My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
