the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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