i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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