im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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