quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
