So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
