He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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