hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
