Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
