hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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