He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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