i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
