Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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