K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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