wanna go halves on a baby?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
