I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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