Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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