I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
