There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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