I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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