i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
