Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
