im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
