She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
