You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
