If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
