she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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