He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
