Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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