i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
