i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
