escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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