i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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