I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
