Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i've created a new STD.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
