My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
