So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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