I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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