Umm I'm too high to move.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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