She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
