Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
