I heard we made out
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
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I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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