So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
