dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
