Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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