she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
