I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
