I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
