also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
