I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
