I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
