Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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