My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
