I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
