she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
