How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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