I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
