He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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