I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
