its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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