My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
