Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
