I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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