Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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