hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We need to rekindle our bromance
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
