remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
